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Alright You Facebookin' Bastards...

Aug 25, 12:31 PM -- by Chaz

You win. I'm going to sign up. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but soon. Maybe the next rainy day.

It's no secret we have evolved into sedentary lumps chained to our computers (and yes, I'm quite guilty of that). Apparently the next phase of this evolutionary development will see us abandoning all forms of social interaction save that which is done through tweets, bumps, posts, and friend requests. It's far too easy, I hear, which is why e-mailing has become a chore for many of my friends.

E-mail is hard!?!

Twice recently I've been at the Publix in my neighborhood and been belittled for postponing my indoctrination. The first time, a booming, yet female, voice from the other end of the cereal aisle queried, "Hey Chaz, are you on FACEBOOK?!?"

"NO! But you have my e-mail address!"

Caroline harumphed and pushed her cart over to the dairy section, choosing not to socially interact in person.

Back at Publix a couple of weeks later I ran into Chris as I emerged from the canned meats aisle. We've been threatening each other with going out for beers for months now, so I brought up the subject again. "Sure," he said, "are you on Facebook?"

"No, but you have my e-mail address and my phone number"

"Oh," He said, seemingly disappointed that he would have to contact me by such old-school means. He went on to extoll the wonders of the service. It sounded scary to me.

Jay tells me he'd like to keep in touch with me, but...

Jay is apparently in a new band, he formerly of The Blue-Jays and The Dry County Drunks. I couldn't tell you the name of the new band as I'm NOT ON FACEBOOK. It seems he's chosen to only promote them through this one particular outlet. He used to send out lovely, witty e-mails updating the schedule and happenings of The Blue-Jays when they were still a unit, but apparently e-mailing news is more difficult these days-- especially when you've got a Facebook app on your iPhone.

Jules sends me, via e-mail, links to things on Facebook, which I click on. Then I'm told I'm not allowed to access those marvelous things because, well, you know.

So, will succumbing to peer pressure and joining the rest of 'the gang' really make me more popular? I don't know that I really want to be. I sure as Hell don't want anyone from my old high school trying to friend me ('cept maybe Lisa or Russell), or anyone else that never was my friend. But really, do I have to sign up just to maintain the friendships I have now?

My friends know that as anti-social persons go, I'm one of the more gregarious social retards not to fit in, but I can't see technology curing me of my social retardation. Jay says I'd be a welcome addition to the service, but I've heard that from cult recruiters and Sunday afternoon soul savers (same thing).

Of course, it is possible that these people are just using my unsigned-up status as an excuse to avoid me. Perhaps if/when I do set up my Facebook page and seek out connections, I will be that unwanted 'friend request' that I hear so much about. If that's the case, it's their fault for selling the service so hard!

And no, I never once had a MySpace page. My dog Roland does, however.




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