My Halloween Tale of Terror · Nov 1, 01:16 PM
Cross posted at Dim Views
The grand concept of the Stomp & Stammer float in the 2008 Little Five Points Halloween Parade was an obscure one-- The Runaways. We're not talking about mopey teenagers who have for whatever imagined or horribly real reason left their homes in search of a life of fame or prostitution. I speak of the band that launched the careers of Joan Jett and Lita Ford. Most folks who are not schooled in more obscure music know Joan; Fewer know Lita, and I won't even risk hurting your brain naming the other members of the band. Sure you may have heard their song "Cherry Bomb" in a few cool movies, but it was thirty years ago that the band toiled away in 'This Business of Music' without ever making star status-- despite the bitchin' hair and rockin' tunes.
Of course, five hotly dressed hot chicks playing the part of the girls in the band, mimicking their stage moves to loudly blasted Runaways tunes in the back of Curt Wells' PA stuffed pickup, totally negated the obscurity factor and the crowd ate it up. As The Girls flailed about, Stomp & Stammer editor Jeff Clark and I limped along (me, literally) beside the "float" handing out candy to the children. In an even more obscure concept we were dressed as the band's managers, with me playing the notoriously pervy one. Most people thought it was just another day for me.
Our faux Runaways were young women ranging in ages from the late teens to early 20s. Women of this generation that generally ignore me because I'm scary looking enough to begin with, but one of the gals, named Measly, was brave, beautiful, and of particularly good humor. We had some fun exchanges and at one point she even let me fondle her buttocks-- strictly in my role as pervy manager, mind you. It was during one of these witty exchanges (I think I was offering to be her bra) that she dropped my Halloween Horror Bomb:
"You're a sexy old man," she said.
The words roared in my ears and clogged my brain. My blood ran cold.
Forget the 'sexy' part because that was eclipsed by the two words that followed. This was the first time any PYT had ever called me an old man. A couple of my friends from my generation that heard the words fell silent, for they too knew the horror. The horror of the day that they fear as well. The day when any compliment comes coupled with the word 'old.' When used in combination with the "O-word," "sexy" might as well be "cute," or "clean."
I died a little inside...
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Previously: What A Prize It Would Have Been: Bacon Gum!